My hero lost his mask

I know that super heroes are for comics and cartoons, and are even on the big screen, I guess that is where they should always stay. My hero lost his mask; my hero was my dad. I was a daddy’s girl through and through. I never though it was my dads fault when he and my mother divorced, I never thought it was his fault when he didn’t come see me or my brother.  I always blamed my mom, after all it had to be her fault , right? Well maybe it was both of them. I started to see the mask slipping about a year and half ago, in May, my granddaughter Lydia was being born 7 weeks premature. I was so worried about my baby and my baby’s baby, it was a rough time. I called and of course told my parents. My mom constantly called and checked on them, my dad nope, not one. Well I kinda let that slip by. Then something happened between my brother and dad, that I was like Wow , really?  It’s crazy how we can accept so much before saying no more.  Then this Christmas, the mask completely fell off. I really saw my dad as the imperfect person that he is. It broke my heart. I always idolized him, which in reality isn’t fair to him. But tell me how many little girls or little boys don’t do that? Well here’s the thing, I’m not little any more I am a grown woman, who has raised 5 kids! My prince charming and I could never ignore our kids! My brother has grown up into a wonderful father even without a good  example of a dad.  That day I realized which it was Christmas day, my hero was gone. I was angry, I cried, I mourned for my fantasy to be reality. None of which was going to  happen.  I was so done! Not going to deal with him anymore, if I and my family mean so little to him. But then guess what, the new year was approaching, I got a call again from my dad, which was extremely rare. My step mom had passed away. My father and step mom had been separated for over 5 years, but it was a very sad wake up call. I do not want to be bitter, I don’t want to harbor forgiveness. That stuff will eat you up. I “preach” to others about forgiving people who have wronged them and then I was unwilling to forgive. Boy you  talk about needing a slap from the Father! But then again He doesn’t usually slap me, He cradles me and whispers softly and tenderly to me. And I knew I needed to let all this go. Is it easy NOPE!!!! does it still hurt YEP!!!! Has my dad changed or apologized, NOPE!!! But none of that matters, I cannot harbor this forgiveness or I will become what I hate! You may say I should never place a human in the position to be my hero, and yes that is true, but guess what I AM HUMAN!! I will say it is a struggle to let this go and there are days it is already creeping back up, so I pray and pray, let the Father take care of this.  It’s a process and it’s not an easy one, I  guess if it was we wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit to guide us. Happy New year!

For Reelz: "Batman: Mask of the Phantasm" (1993)


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