Pray for my enemies, HUH?

Bless those who curse you , pray for those who mistreat you Luke 6:28.

Ya OK, that’s OK for me to tell others but when someone does that to my family, my husband it ain’t that easy! I’m going to tell you right now this is not going to be a feel good blog, I ‘m going raw right now. This is very fresh in my heart and mind.  As some of you know my man is a pastor and I love being a pastors wife, but I am  no more spiritual than the rest of you that come to church. I sin, I fall, I hurt, I am human, and when someone intentional hurts my man, yep its on!

Now I know the first line of this blog in which I said, I tell others this, I do, and I really mean it, and I know the scripture also, I know the word, but sometimes He has to remind me that I have to turn to Him, when people are just plain ugly.

When I first started to write this, I was very angry and hurt and all the above. I didn’t care about turning the other check, I wanted to slap that cheek! ( I told you this was going to be honest). But since this happened I believe it was a couple of  weeks ago, things have happened. I am not going to tell you that I was all spiritual and the “good Christian” and everything worked out great, and we sang kumbaya. Yeah that didn’t happen.  But God spoke to me through my eldest son, he said,”Mom, I know its hard but pray for her.” I was like who is this kid??? Didn’t he hear what I told him this woman said to his  dad? Yep he did. And so did the Father. He knew, He heard and I’m sure it hurt Him too. But how could I pray for her? Oh sure I could tell my church members to do this, but me? Why should I? Well let me tell you when you say that to the Father He’s gonna tell you why! Because He has forgiven me!

But ,But, But. Yeah that isn’t going to fly, there is no buts in forgiveness. Now you maybe saying, ‘Debbie really is this the first time you’ve had to do this ?’  NOOOO and it never gets easy. I have been hurt by more Christians and their words that anyone else.  But what it does do, is frees me up from holding onto the anger, resentment, bitterness that can and will develop with me. This doesn’t hurt the person who hurt me, it hurts ME!!!

Then there’s this scripture again that God used to smack me ever so loving,  Matt.7:2,  For in the same way you judge others, you will be judged, and with the measure you use, it will be measured to you. Yep this one. I want the Lord and others to judge me with compassion, not anger, and this is exactly how I was not judging this woman. I was angry, hurt, I wanted to tell her off.  Now let me make this very clear, what she did was wrong, rude and just plain mean, but my response needs to be one of forgiveness. God will take care of His own, and of which she is. Daddy knows what happened and I know Daddy will take care of it. I am only responsible for my actions, not how others will respond. Did she ever apologize? NOPE! Will she ever, probably not, but that’s on her, and between her and God. And I know the Father He will deal with it!

So yes my kid knew what he was saying, makes my mothers heart proud that my son knew the word, but had the boldness and love to tell his mother the truth I needed that day. Thank you again Lord for creating in me a clean heart!

 

 

 

My hero lost his mask

I know that super heroes are for comics and cartoons, and are even on the big screen, I guess that is where they should always stay. My hero lost his mask; my hero was my dad. I was a daddy’s girl through and through. I never though it was my dads fault when he and my mother divorced, I never thought it was his fault when he didn’t come see me or my brother.  I always blamed my mom, after all it had to be her fault , right? Well maybe it was both of them. I started to see the mask slipping about a year and half ago, in May, my granddaughter Lydia was being born 7 weeks premature. I was so worried about my baby and my baby’s baby, it was a rough time. I called and of course told my parents. My mom constantly called and checked on them, my dad nope, not one. Well I kinda let that slip by. Then something happened between my brother and dad, that I was like Wow , really?  It’s crazy how we can accept so much before saying no more.  Then this Christmas, the mask completely fell off. I really saw my dad as the imperfect person that he is. It broke my heart. I always idolized him, which in reality isn’t fair to him. But tell me how many little girls or little boys don’t do that? Well here’s the thing, I’m not little any more I am a grown woman, who has raised 5 kids! My prince charming and I could never ignore our kids! My brother has grown up into a wonderful father even without a good  example of a dad.  That day I realized which it was Christmas day, my hero was gone. I was angry, I cried, I mourned for my fantasy to be reality. None of which was going to  happen.  I was so done! Not going to deal with him anymore, if I and my family mean so little to him. But then guess what, the new year was approaching, I got a call again from my dad, which was extremely rare. My step mom had passed away. My father and step mom had been separated for over 5 years, but it was a very sad wake up call. I do not want to be bitter, I don’t want to harbor forgiveness. That stuff will eat you up. I “preach” to others about forgiving people who have wronged them and then I was unwilling to forgive. Boy you  talk about needing a slap from the Father! But then again He doesn’t usually slap me, He cradles me and whispers softly and tenderly to me. And I knew I needed to let all this go. Is it easy NOPE!!!! does it still hurt YEP!!!! Has my dad changed or apologized, NOPE!!! But none of that matters, I cannot harbor this forgiveness or I will become what I hate! You may say I should never place a human in the position to be my hero, and yes that is true, but guess what I AM HUMAN!! I will say it is a struggle to let this go and there are days it is already creeping back up, so I pray and pray, let the Father take care of this.  It’s a process and it’s not an easy one, I  guess if it was we wouldn’t need the Holy Spirit to guide us. Happy New year!